The Moon and Fall Sunshine

Feels like Fall sunshine out there. A numbingly chilly morning to Augustine feet, who are quickly plunged into cob webbed slippers. Shining down now at greater angles, the sun pierced under our eyelids, coming down to a conversational level, when once it stared down forebodingly, in all her Cancerian resplendence.

The thousand points of light, the little mercies of a day, the scattered hope of living. I feel at last at a dead end, and strangely freer for it. Now I begin to imagine, not concrete forms, but simple wishes. What would I simply wish for in a life? More simplicity, and better freedom, a freedom that is not a running away, or a hiding seclusion. All the things that once interested me, like dissipating water tremble and evaporate through my fingers. The taste of them remains, on this I linger, waiting as in a darkened theater for the feature to begin. There’s something different on the air, as it sharpens toward indomitable Autumn, as the Moon whispers toward fullness. I can feel trust again, and I can feel happily waiting, unraveling and peaceful.

Later, the Moon burns a hole in my curtains. Accompanied by some beautiful celestial sister, they take in all there is to be revealed on a midnight farm. Little heart of mine that’s just stretching, flabby round the corners, but lithe by nature, just waiting to be released into resplendent activity. Activity with out thought, if you please, just natural taking up of the offers stirring within, those offers that so readily provide nourishment, like little nuns laden with soup, waiting at each turn for a dusty vagrant to bestow upon. Moving onward now, and trying, through the stones along the way, not to forget to look up, and accept charity, and accept kindness, for kindness’s sake. When it’s for my sake I can easily refuse, and take comfort in the sacrifice of a little material comfort for a little freedom. But where am I meant to be? In anguish so often is the question raised, with choked voices, hot tears, or shaking shoulders. But I find now it can be asked in such a nicer way, in a way that engenders peace, for it allows my life to be as it will, to be as it is Willed.