A little fall down...

The bitterness of real cold begins to seep in, and with offended surprise we pile ourselves into sturdier attire. The days a play of peaking gold against steely cover of cloud; the nights all too swift in the coming, with a waxing moon to keep us company. Haul it all in, the work and growing of the year, and festively explode into good cheer and giving, until absorbed in good feelings, we forget the longest night ahead. I’m tenuous as the season; nerves humming in a new pitch, wanting to give yet hunkering down, remembering Light in a stormy dark in my own mind.

I see myself balancing between self destruction and pride; faults keeping tenuous equilibrium through a battered about world. When the one out weighs the other, watch out, for tidal wave of hurt, anger, loathing, fear and false pride hits a shallow shore of being. Self destruction seems to be at the heart of so many matters of my heart. What brought me to the Grail Message, what did I find there? I found the answer, which was, that I have to keep living. I have to keep living. I’m not off the hook despite my raging self-violence, I’m still a worthy piece of humanity somewhere, inside where that little piece refuses to die. Trying my best to wash away myself, I failed, and wondering why I was still alive, why I couldn’t forget that piece of me I still loved, I grabbed for the Grail Message. I’m alive, and I’m meant to be, and I have to carry on, I have to be a better human, and get out what’s inside me, for the good.