The road goes ever on and on...

Now that energy has returned, something is beginning to bubble up. An unresolved, an almost unspeakable, hidden under a pile of mushy potato feelings for quite some time. I nearly remember where I left off, and the clear, cascading memories pull me out of present situations to shake my head, and swallow hard against a shift in the starchy, soggy tuber mound. I'm a bit afraid, really. But here's my chance, and I have to be loyal to it, else I'm forgetting why I've managed to stick around this long; things nearly always have the potential to get better.

On my 21st birthday, my father wrote to me about the my birth. He told me that I lay peacefully in his arms, quietly declaring my arrival in the midst of chaos and panic. "You are a survivor", he told me, and I knew then how closely he had observed my path to maturity, how often he must have had to rely on that single perception when all other avenues for fathering seemed closed to him. In the face of such a powerfully beautiful sentiment, my current trouble seems paltry, even a waste of time. But the stone lays squarely in my path, and, trifling or no, each pebble needs to be cleared, each barrier to living outright my better self gently left behind.

The stars are watching and the valley is rolling out engagingly under my feet. There's nothing left to do but try, nothing left but to forget the wanting to hang on to what's old and familiar and downright deadening. May my loyalty never waver; not to the self I think I've discovered, but to the Light that sustains all existence, great, small, and evolving.